Deadly dolphins released into the wild! The Guardian reports that trained military dolphins with death darts have been released in the Gulf of Mexico!!
Experts who have studied the US navy’s cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying ‘toxic dart’ guns. The US Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels.
This is even worse than sharks with laser beams attached to their heads, because dolphins are way smart! I hate to say it, but it looks like we’re gonna have to send in some Navy seals to take care of the dolphins! Buh dun dun!
I had this weird dream where I was rinsing my mouth with Listerine, or Scope, or some mouthwash. Problem was, I was in this sort of wilderness where there wasn’t any sink, and I didn’t want to just spit the Listerine onto the ground. There were people around, and I think they would not have approved of that. So I’m walking around looking for a sink, and my mouth is burning because of the Listerine. Then I come up to a river, and it’s really clean and crystal clear. I don’t want to spit it out there, because I think it would be rude to mess up the really nice water with my Listerine spit. I follow the river and come up to a branch where there aren’t any people. I just decide to spit the Listerine out there because no one is watching. It feels good having the Listerine out of my mouth, but now I feel bad for hurting the environment. What does it mean!!!
I don’t mean to be such a Threadless.com whore, but this is for a good cause. Threadless is selling a shirt for Hurricane Katrina Relief for $10, and donating $20 for each shirt. So basically, you get a decent shirt and double your donation of $10! This shirt went on sale yesterday and all of the girl ones are already sold out. Luckily, fat men who are feeling charitable still have a chance. Yes Weller, I mean you (and me).
The package reads “Gojira no tamago,” which translates to egg of Godzilla! That’s pretty cool, but it still looks like a fuckin’ watermelon to me.